You’ve seen him on everything from Oprah to the Today Show. His books have owned the top of the New York Times bestseller list for years. Now, on Friday, June 3, San Diegans have a rare opportunity to meet and talk with John Gray at the Barnes & Noble Mira Mesa where he will be hosting a discussion of what it takes to become a conscious man – and how women can help the men in their lives become one.
Arguably the best known relationship expert in the world, when Gray told readers “Men are from Mars, Women are from Venus,” he clarified the reason why communication between the sexes is sometimes difficult. And with this and his subsequent books, he gave readers the tools needed to make that communication easier.
Now, with “Consious Men,” Gray, together with Awakening Coach Arjuna Ardagh, provides 21st century men the tools they need to develop the 12 qualities of the “new masculinity.” In short, he gives men the means to exercise their natural masculinity while developing the skills to optimizes both personal and professional relationships. His answers to a few questions during a recent interview are below:
What is a conscious man?
A Conscious Man is not a slave to biology. He is aware of the balance between masculine and feminine energy within himself, but the way that he lives with each is determined by awareness more than by automatic reactions to anything external. A Conscious Man has a sense of the vast variety of different roles he can enjoy in his life. He is aware of our history and how dramatically things have changed in the last decades. He responds to life not only as a duty to fulfill but also as an art to create.
How can women best support their men in finding their sense of purpose?
• Understand how important having a sense of purpose is to him.
• Recognize his accomplishments – and let him know that you do so.
• Offer encouragement.
What practices enhance relationships most?
• Presence. Let your presence communicate the sense of “I’m right here,” so she can feel it clearly whether you say it or not. Sometimes it helps to take a very small step forward towards your partner as she is telling you what she is feeling.
• Listening. Because men are identified with action and accomplishment, they think that providing a solution is the most tangible measurement of love. But remember: she releases oxytocin when she can speak freely about her feelings, without necessarily needing a solution.
• Trust. It is normal to be attracted to other women. Be honest about that. And reassure your partner that you have not acted on the attraction.
• Recreate polarization. These days, with so many partners handling the same tasks, the lines between male and female blur. As sexual identity wanes, so does attraction. So repolarize. Whether it is with a romantic evening out, role playing, or simply reassigning of tasks, fall back into your male/female roles for a bit.
• Practice appreciation. Let your partner know often and convincingly how and why your appreciate her.
• Express devotion. This goes beyond appreciation and compliments. Rather, it taps into a regular ritual during which you let your partner know why you love and worship her – and during which she does the same with you – thereby elevating your relationship. When devotion flows both ways, it can be a fantastic key to taking love to new depths.
What is the most important key to bringing out the best in a man?
To bring out the best in a man, do less for him, and do more to make yourself happy. This is the central theme of my book “Mars and Venus Collide.” If you stop over-giving to men and give more to yourself to be happy, he will be relieved of that burdensome responsibility, and it is much easier for him to give to you when you are already basically feeling good.
Want some more practical, user-friendly advice that will enhance not just your relationship but your sense of self? Join John Gray on Friday, June 3, at 6:30 p.m. at Barnes & Noble Mira Mesa for an entertaining, informative, and empowering event.
Antoinette Kuritz and Jared Kuritz are the team behind both STRATEGIES Public Relations and the La Jolla Writer’s Conference (www.lajollawritersconference.com).